This post has taken me so long to write. Months. I’ve spent so much time thinking about everything I’ve learned from traveling with our little son and trying to organize it in the best way. It’s overwhelming! I think I’ve been more overwhelmed by this than by actually traveling with a toddler! 😉 I have too much to even say in one post (even though this will be very long!), so this is Part One. Of probably two. That’s TBD.

So before I begin, a disclaimer: this is what I’ve learned from our specific travels with our specific toddler, so I’m sure my advice won’t apply to every family or every situation. Our boy is generally easygoing (I attribute this to gentle and attachment parenting, and I really think this in particular has made traveling with him so much easier), but he is still a toddler, so he has his moments! Also, we’ve been on trips that involve both Ben and me being present at the same time as well as trips where Ben is working and so I’m on my own with the kiddo. Since traveling solo with a toddler is the hardest position to be in, I’ll come at it from that perspective and give allll the tips I can. And then if you’ve got a partner with you (lucky!), you’ll likely not need every piece of this advice. 🙂 Take what you will and if you have questions, ask!

Okay, starting with the ESSENTIAL essentials for traveling with a baby or toddler.

GET A BACKPACK STYLE DIAPER BAG. BONUS POINTS FOR CLASSINESS.

I have a Lily Jade diaper bag (this one!) that I totally love and recommend for travelers, especially if you frequent Europe. When I bought mine, I wanted something that would be timeless and classy and not necessarily look like a diaper bag. I didn’t even have travel on the mind at that point, but I’m so glad I purchased the one I did because it’s nice enough for any city or situation. Like I would feel good about wearing it while strolling through Paris, whereas I probably would feel out of place and touristy with a Petunia Pickle Bottom print, you know?

Anyway, the essential part of this is that your diaper bag can be worn as a backpack. If you’re traveling solo, you will definitely need both hands, and even a crossbody bag isn’t a good solution if you’ll be hoofing it all day. You need something super ergonomic that you won’t even have to think about. (Of course, keep your wallet, ID, phone, keys, and anything else valuable and essential in the zippered portion closest to your back. Pickpocketing is very common abroad, so use common sense and don’t leave anything valuable where it can be plucked right out of your backpack.)

BRING A HOODIE OR TWO FOR BABY.

Okay, you know those baby leashes? The ones that we’ve all rolled our eyes at and/or openly mocked forever? I will never, never (ever!) judge another parent again for using one. Ever! Toddlers are fast, they are sneaky, and they can get away from you in the blink of an eye, especially in a crowded area. We can pretend that I’m telling you to bring a hoodie as an extra layer for warmth, but it’s actually so you can keep a hand on your kiddo at all times! Warmth is a bonus.

Or go ahead and use a toddler leash. Seriously. See my next point.

GET OVER WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK.

If you’re a people pleaser like I once was (always in recovery, though), this may be a tough one. But seriously….if you want to enjoy your trip and your family and make wonderful memories, you will have to get over what other people think. This is tough love talking. There might be a snobby girl next to you on the airplane who rolls her eyes and complains loudly to her boyfriend on the phone, “Ugh, I’m sitting next to a baby.” And then your kid might cry in her direction the whole 8-hour flight! It’s okay. There might be people who look at you like you’re a monster for bringing your 18-month-old to a pub at 9pm (he’s awake because jet lag, people! I’m not a terrible parent). It’s okay. You might have to inconvenience the hotel by asking them to bring sheets up hours after the housekeeping service because your child was napping at the time. And they might be annoyed with you. IT’S. OKAY.

We live in a society, and a large part of that society is children. Right?? It’s not your job to control your child in a way that pleases everyone else. What lesson does that teach them? Your kiddo is just as important as anybody else, and his or her needs deserve to be met. I think travel is a really great opportunity to show your kids this! So remember. Prioritize your child, and let go of what anyone else has a problem with. Easier said than done, but you’ll get lots of practice on your trip. 😉

BRING A WEARABLE BABY CARRIER EVEN IF YOU’RE ALSO BRINGING A STROLLER.

There are tons of times while traveling that you’ll need to be wearing that kiddo even if you have a stroller with you. More information in the following sections, but I wanted to call this out as an essential. Even if your kid never naps in the baby carrier at home, he or she just may if your regular nap time schedule is completely thrown off by the time change.

KNOW YOUR CARSEAT AND TEST IT BEFORE YOU GO

If you read my recap of our trip to Galway, you’ve seen just how wrong things can go if you don’t do a trial run of your carseat. I’ll always, always do this in the future! Additionally, do some research on the types of seat belts/LATCH systems (LATCH is called different names in different countries; in Ireland, it was ISOFIX) in the rental car you’ll be using. We ended up having to buy a whole new car seat, but if I had known that European seat belts don’t lock the way American ones do, I think we could have sidestepped the issue by bringing a manual seat belt lock. The more you know.

Whatever you do, DO NOT RELY ON THE CAR RENTAL COMPANY TO HAVE A CARSEAT. Okay? Don’t do it. It’s tempting not to bring a carseat around the world with you, I get it!! But I’ve heard multiple stories of these seats being broken, recalled, 20 years old, or missing entirely. And then what do you do if you arrive in the middle of the night and literally can’t leave the airport?? Not worth the risk, guys. And even if they have a carseat and everything looks good, you have no idea what that seat has been through or how many kids have vomited on it. GACK.

Bring your own.

Note: if you’re bringing a carseat on the actual airplane (as in, not checking it), make sure you locate the sticker that says it’s approved for use in an aircraft. It took us forever to find it on Luca’s Graco seat on a domestic flight once, and it held up the line behind us for a while. (This is one of those “get over what other people think” instances.)

A matter of safety

The absolute safest thing you can do is bring your carseat on the airplane. This means you have to shell out the cash to buy an additional seat for baby. We’ve always done this for domestic flights when it’s a matter of a couple hundred dollars, but it would have cost an additional $1500 for the flight to Europe. I didn’t like it at all, but we just couldn’t swing that, so we checked the carseat with our luggage.

Now! The safest way to do that is to pack the carseat up in its original box with as much padding as you can. Bonus – this is a great way to fit in a bunch of extra sweaters and stuff! They don’t check the weight of the box, although TSA may open it to go through it. (They did with ours. They’ll tape it back up, no worries.) Most people either just throw the carseat on the heap with no protection at all or wrap it in a plastic garbage bag. Obviously, this only protects the fabric, not the integrity of the carseat! And if you’re at all versed in carseat safety, you know you have to replace them if they’re ever in an accident with even minor damage. I know we’ve all seen the way baggage handlers toss things around, and I’d say that definitely constitutes minor damage. So essentially, if you’re checking your carseat with no protection, you’re practically rendering it useless. Don’t do this. 🙂

I thought the airline staff would think we were insane for the way we had packed up our carseat, but we were praised by both United and British Airways for doing it “the right way!” ::places crown on head::

PROCURE FOOD AT EVERY OPPORTUNITY.

Hanger happens to little people (and big people…) in even the most comfortable of situations, and travel is not always comfortable. I repeat, procure food at every opportunity. Even if you’ve just eaten. Even if you’re sure your child is full and won’t need to be fed for hours. You see a falafel stand? YOU GET A FALAFEL. Dedicate some major real estate in your diaper bag to snacks. You will never regret having too much food, but you will always regret not having enough. And bring your own utensils! We like these.

(See that bag I’m holding? It contained an entire olive oil cake, a potato-and-eggplant pie, and a bunch of fruit I snagged at the open air market. We ate it all in the car en route to our next destination.)

HAVE A SENSE OF ADVENTURE

This is so important for any traveler, but even more so if you’re traveling with a kiddo. While we were driving around Dublin trying to find a safe carseat, I was stressed out. Big time. We were exhausted and lost and nothing was going to plan at ALL, and it was really hard. But I also had traveled enough in the past to know that this was something I would remember. I knew that somehow, we would get through it and have a story to tell Luca in the end, and that made the experience a little exciting and a lot more bearable. In my years of traveling, I’ve been in a LOT of situations that didn’t work or turn out how I expected them to, and those tough spots often make for the best memories.

In my experience, you’ll always get where you’re going. Eventually. Even if you get totally lost. Even if a language barrier forces you to get creative to communicate. Even if your child is tired and hungry and crabby, you will eventually end up at your destination, and it will be FINE. But seriously, this is the good stuff. The things that go wrong are the things that help you get outside your comfort zone and grow. And confidently handling the unexpected – the adventure – makes you a stronger person and a more resilient parent!

LOWER YOUR EXPECTATIONS

When Ben and I used to travel all the time without a child, we always tried to maximize our time. We never knew when we would be back, so we wanted to see and do everything we could, everywhere we were. Well. Not so much with a young one in tow. We adults can get into “travel mode,” where we can go really fast and eat on the go and be fine with it for a few days, but young kids can’t understand or tolerate such a change to their routine. If you’re a parent, you already know that life with a little one moves MUCH more slowly. And that’s never more evident than when you’re traveling.

So I’ll give it to you straight: you won’t be able to maximize your time. Sorry. There will be diapers to change every few hours (sometimes in TINY bathrooms with no changing stations) and vomit to clean up (maybe) and meals and snacks to stop for and clothes to change and meltdowns that happen.

It can be frustrating because there are so many novel things to do and see everywhere you go, but if you try to do too much with a kiddo, you’ll just be setting yourself up for massive disappointment. My best advice is to plan two things, max, per day. We generally would do one thing in the morning, then nap (either back at the hotel or in a baby carrier), then do another thing – maybe – in the evening. Depending how many naps your kid takes and how well he or she naps on the go, you might be able to squeeze in a little more.

Also note that if you have a little one who doesn’t nap very well at home, you might find he or she naps very well when there’s a large time change. This can either be really awesome or really inconvenient if you had big plans that get screwed up by a mega-nap. So you can’t really plan ahead too much (this makes the planner in me very anxious, but it is what it is).

REST UP

Years ago, someone gave me the most amazing travel advice: for every four days of doing something, plan one day of doing nothing. We’ve used this strategy for years and it’s always exactly right — and even more necessary with a toddler along! After about four days of going, your body and brain need a full day to rest, read the newspaper, do some laundry, watch TV in bed, have a picnic in the park, or whatever appeals to you. (And I know – when you have a kiddo with you, who can rest?! You might not be able to putz around all day, but this is a great time to focus on getting a quality nap in – for the kid and for you.)

REMEMBER WHY YOU’RE DOING THIS

The night before we left for Europe, I wondered if we were crazy for taking a toddler on an international trip. Some people would say definitely, yes. I had no idea how it would go or whether it would be worth the hassle and all the headaches. But I am so incredibly happy we went and so grateful for the opportunity to go. There is nothing like waking up in a city you’ve never been to before — and that feeling is 1000% magnified when you share it with the biggest little love of your life.

People sometimes ask if it’s worth going when your child is too young to even remember the experience. Here’s my perspective: Luca won’t remember his first international trip. He won’t remember. But because we went, we have memories and stories and pictures and souvenirs, and so he will know that this happened. He will know that travel and adventure were part of his life from the very beginning, even longer than he can remember. He’ll know that his family values other cultures and perspectives and that we consider ourselves citizens, and students, of the world. And he’ll know that there is a great big world out there, beyond our little suburban bubble, and he’ll know that it’s okay (and wonderful!) to get out and explore.

He won’t remember, but he will know.

LOGISTICS!

Okay, now that the essentials are out of the way, onto the actual logistics of traveling with a toddler.

Traveling without a stroller

In my experience, if you are traveling solo, and you’re going on a short-ish excursion (like a half-day trip), it’s a lot easier to travel without a stroller. Well….it’s simpler. Maybe not easier! Obviously if you don’t have a stroller, you either have to wear your child in a carrier or keep an absolute HAWK EYE watch on them at all times. I highly recommend baby wearing in this case, and I recommend a specific configuration:

Baby carrier on the front // diaper bag on the back.

After this kind of a day, your back is going to be sore. It just is. And if your child is as spirited as mine, he or she will probably squirm and fight it at least some of the time. So hopefully you’re going somewhere that’s worth the pain! 😉

If you’re not baby-wearing, my tips would be: 1. good luck, and 2. make good use of hoodies.

Traveling with a stroller

There are certain cases in which a stroller is an absolute must, like if you’re going to spend the entire day walking around London by yourself. I highly recommend a stroller like the Chicco Liteway Plus. It has the portability of an umbrella stroller but more bulk and storage room, so you’re able to tote your diaper bag and any shopping purchases underneath. I’ve also heard great things about the Baby Jogger city mini line. I don’t have personal experience with this line, but bonus that it looks super sleek and European!

If you are traveling with a stroller, STILL BRING YOUR BABY CARRIER. You may think you won’t need it (and you might not!), but it’s always better to have it. You can shove it in the bottom of the stroller and forget about it until you need it. It’s light, it takes up no room, and it may end up coming in seriously handy. Read on for examples.

CITY LOGISTICS

If you’re in Ireland or another lovely place where children are beloved members of society, people will be warm and friendly and helpful and wonderful. If you’re in London, or most other big cities (hey, Chicago!)….nahhh so much. So traveling solo with a stroller can be a little tricky.

The city of London (and I’m sure lots of other big cities, too) publishes a guide to Step-free Tube stations, where you would theoretically have access to elevators or ramps and be able to avoid stairs completely. I consulted it many times before Luca and I headed out on our London adventure, and I was confident I’d be able to navigate with no stairs. This was NOT the case. In two different Tube stations, the elevators were out of service, and these were the stations with multiple levels of stairs to climb and descend. I had to seriously s t r u g g l e  to get that stroller up three levels of stairs and then down again. I was eventually helped by a fellow American woman and then a French femme (no thanks at ALL to any of the Londoners or any of the big strong MEN around). It was very stressful, to be honest.

In hindsight, I think it would have been much better to follow my own advice from the previous section: 1. Take the diaper bag out of the stroller and put it on your back. 2. Take the baby carrier out of the stroller and put it on your front. 3. Place baby in carrier. 4. Fold up the stroller.

Then, if you’re surrounded by a bunch of jerks, you’re able to carry the stroller up and down the stairs by yourself. Fun? No. Possible? Yes!

TRAIN LOGISTICS

Before our first solo train excursion, I researched like crazy so I’d be prepared. And everything I read said that there would be a designated area of each train for disabled passengers, and I would be able to stand there with the stroller. Again, I did not find this to be the case. Maybe I didn’t board the right car or something, but not a single one of the trains we took had any place for me to stand within the actual train car. This actually caused me a LOT of stress, with a ton of other passengers behind me trying to get seats and me looking like an idiot and holding everyone up. Ahh, travel. In my experience, if you don’t look like an idiot at least once during a trip, it doesn’t really count.

But that’s how we LEARN, right? So learn from my idiocy.

The way I see it, you have two options:

1. Get there early and maneuver the stroller into the doorway opposite from the one you enter. So, you get on the train and walk straight forward into the doorway right in front of you (where you will eventually exit). Typically these are empty at first (this is why you must get there early because they will fill up!) and you can fit the stroller right into it, then all the other passengers will just pass right on by as they find seats. This, of course, leaves you standing, so it works for short trips but probably not anything longer than an hour or so.
2. Again, get there early. Board the train, then take the kiddo out, fold the stroller up, and place it in the luggage area with all the suitcases. This way you can go find a seat for yourself (and if you’re lucky, an extra one for the baby!), and it’s a little less stressful than standing uncertainly with a stroller. It will take a couple minutes and people behind you may get annoyed, so get out your “Sorry, Don’t Really Care What You Think” in advance.

Whatever you do, don’t board the train late, after all the seats are already taken and all the doorways are filled up. You’ll end up standing with the stroller in the curvy part between the train cars where the food cart comes. And the food cart guy will hate you and all the other passengers standing near you will hate you and it will be the worst.

Speaking from experience.

This was actually the moment that inspired this post and the reason I took this photo.

Sleeping in a foreign hotel

Most American hotels, I think, offer cribs or Pack n Plays upon checkin. Not so in Europe (at least where we went). So there may be an occasion in which you’ll have to share a bed with your child. If you’re not an experienced bedsharer, fear not! If your kiddo is a toddler, sharing a bed should be no big deal (are there any toddlers out there who don’t end up in bed with mom and dad??). But if your baby happens to still be a baby, consult the Safe Sleep Seven!

Lots more information on safe cosleeping guidelines by Dr. James McKenna here. If the thought of sharing a bed with your child freaks your American brain right out, remember that cosleeping is the biological norm globally. It’s been done since the beginning of time! When done correctly, it’s just as safe (sometimes safer) than putting your child in a crib. So don’t worry. Do what you gotta do to feel safe; if that means bringing along a travel bassinet, that’s okay too. You can likely fit this in the box you’re packing your carseat up in!

Remember also that European hotels often don’t have the amenities of American ones. They usually don’t provide washcloths, most don’t have bathtubs, they won’t give you a million cushy pillows, etc. So you might be sponge bathing your kiddo (or skipping a bath here and there – who’s counting? You’re on vacation!). Also, European climate control systems are way less powerful than the ones we’re used to in the US. So no matter the season, bring two types of pajamas: ones that work for either a very warm or a very cold room. And throw in some extra socks. You really never know what you’ll get. It’s all part of the fun!

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Okay, that’s all for Part One. Part Two coming soon – all about that international flight and how to wrangle your child for 8+ hours in the air!

xo!