Playful Rooted

If there’s one thing I’ve noticed since leaving social media, it’s that I feel like I can breathe better. I know that sounds weird, but it’s just a LIBERATION. I feel more like myself. I feel like I have permission to just be myself. To no longer worry about consuming what other people are putting out there. To no longer consider what I could be putting out there. To live every little bit of my life just for me.

This is surprising to me because I was never a “do it for the ‘gram” kind of person in any way. A couple months ago, I would 100% have said that I already was living my life just for me, not for anyone else on the internet. I didn’t even know it, but I was wrong. There’s been a palpable shift in my psyche. Even this blog is just for me. I know there are a few people reading it out there (hello, sweet readers!), but probably like 30. Maybe 40. And that’s it. It’s kind of like a journal for me. It’s cathartic. It’s lovely. I love writing. Actual, purposeful, goal-oriented writing. And I haven’t done it in a long time.

I used to be a writer by profession; did you know? I wrote software documentation for eight years. I stopped three weeks before Luca was born, and while I do NOT miss working in the corporate world, I have definitely missed writing. My brain is feeling very creatively fulfilled by this little blog.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what the stay-at-home-mom life must have been like before social media existed. My mom worked, so I don’t have a real reference point, but I can imagine. It was probably a lot like this. Long, slow, full, challenging, beautiful days. Undistracted parenting. No phone in your back pocket all day. No scrolling Instagram every hour. No distractedly playing with your kids while surreptitiously trying to read some post or story that makes you feel any number of emotions. Simpler, I imagine. Not easier; certainly not. Being a full-time parent is never, ever easy. But simpler, yes.

(I should point out here that social media and smart phones are two different things; I know that. But most of my smart phone addiction was due to Instagram. The dopamine rush of new content, new notifications, new and fast and shiny and new is powerful. Being off social media has dramatically reduced the time I spend on my phone. I don’t even know where it is most of the time!)

Covid has made it hard to do all the things we used to do that helped us feel socially fulfilled (music class, story time at the library, Deanna Rose visits, toddler time at the gymnastics studio, and on and on and on). So it’s not a direct comparison to life before the internet because this isn’t normal life. But we still do have plenty of play dates with our buddies, especially as the parks have reopened (praised be!). I don’t see the daily images my friends post of their kids or their lives, and I do miss that a little, but we see each other in person and catch up regularly. I imagine life before the internet must have been a lot like it is for me now.

Slower.

Better.

Another great thing I’ve noticed is that I have a much longer attention span. It’s actually a little frustrating and I’m kind of mad at myself for having developed this habit of impatience. I blame it on social media for sure. Short comments, short captions, short and fast and short and fast and just rapid-fire consumption. I only realize now that when I was consuming so much quick content every day, I wouldn’t even take the time to read a long-ish article or blog post anymore (and I’m a writer!! A long-winded writer! What??). I’d read headings or a bulleted list, and I’d skip over the longer content. I hate that I did this. I’m really happy not to be in that place anymore. I’ve read some amazing blog posts and news articles and gotten so much more out of them than I did from just skimming over the highlights. It’s a hugely positive change.

I’ve said this before, but I’ll say it again. I really thought that I would miss Instagram after I left; that I would have a hard time disconnecting and that I’d have a major case of FOMO. Here we are, two months later, and this statement is still true: I don’t miss it. Not even a tiny bit! It’s remarkable.

And my life now is

slower

deeper

and genuinely better.

xo!